journal

Generic update

So much for my plan to write daily! Hello!

Is me

Life has been … interesting lately.

The 5th anniversary of my mum’s death has just passed. My sister and I went to scatter my dad’s ashes at their memorial tree in Balloch Park. He passed less than two years ago. Is it weird to think of yourself as an orphan at 38? The daily pain is less, but I have bad dreams about it all still.

I should be away at a spiritual training retreat right now; my final one before qualifying. I opted to throw all of the time, money and energy away and quit. It was a hard decision, but it was a long time coming. Between a lack of guidance during our forced pandemic break, a lax attitude towards the pandemic, the infestation of anti-vaxxers & right wing BS, and my personal understanding of cultural appropriation … I decided that it was not a qualification I wanted any more. What saddens me the most is that my course leader didn’t even respond to my e-mail saying I was leaving; my part in the community was that meaningless.

I’m planning a ritual to gain some closure over the whole thing. I’m not quite sure what form it will take, but I think it will focus on fire.

My art and spiritual work doesn’t bring in much, and I am not considered disabled enough to get support, so I am now working a conventional job for 1 day a week. That takes up three days of my week though, thanks to my fibromyalgia, which means I have less time to work on creative and spiritual things but I do have a small guaranteed income. Swings and roundabouts.

In general, I am feeling good though. I’m happy that my sister and I were able to finish putting our parents to rest, I am glad I made the choice to leave my spiritual training, and having a stable income is a good thing. I’ve been able to get my haircut for the first time in 10 months, I have my first Covid-19 vaccination, I get to play D&D, I am able to start seeing my bestie again … things are pretty sweet overall.

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